Textual Errors

As a guy who has to deal frequently with reading, writing, and language in general you could say I have rather high interest in words and their correct usage. I always try to use proper grammar and spelling unless I’m chatting online in which case this falls apart almost entirely and I’ll use abbreviations and acronyms such as “ty”, “probs” and “stfu” like everyone else. There are limits to this however. For instance, if I’m typing a complete word I’ll actually spell it out how it’s supposed to be with the letters in their proper place. So I’ll type “computer” instead of “cmoptuer” and if I do make such an error I will immediately correct myself like so: “*computer” with the asterisk to indicate that I’m making a correction. When other people don’t correct themselves I don’t get too upset because I understand what they meant and so long as they don’t consistent spell every other in a sentence wrong I can deal with it. But there are certain abuses that really get on my nerves and people who make daily use of these transgressions should be slapped.

ALL CAPS WITH AN OVERUSE OF EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand that it can be difficult for elements such as emotion and sarcasm to come through in the written word which lacks the intonation found in the spoken word, but there are better ways to convey that you are angry, excited, or retarded. One way would be to improve your vocabulary and find words that effectively get your sentiment across. In relation to that it’s important to understand context and connotation. Certain words are associated with positive or negative meanings (such as “I hate that lady” versus “I hate that whore”) and when you put certain words together it can create a whole new meaning depending on how they relate to one another (such as “look at this steaming pile of shit,” versus “this town is a steaming pile of shit). If this is too much for you to handle then know that “fuck” is a very enigmatic word that will definitely get your point across without excessive use of capital letters and exclamation marks.

Abbreviating Words into Words that Are Already Words
There are many example of this, but the one I am most familiar with (and most enraged by) is the shortening of “jealous” into jelly”. Not only does using such an abbreviation make a conversation more confusing, but you sound retarded when you do it, like really fucking stupid. Now whenever people ask me if I’m jelly I always reply “No, I may be jam, but I’m definitely not jelly,” because an idiotic question like that deserves such a nonsensical reply.

Deliberate Misspellings
This is most commonly done by thirteen year-olds who think that they’re leet and so spell “the” as “teh” or “gentlemen” as “mentlegen”. There is absolutely no reason for this outside of wanting people you meet online to know ahead of time that you’re inbred before they socialize with you. It really does not take any effort to spell the word correctly and maybe people might actually start respecting you if you do. Wait, what the fuck am I talking about. This is the internet.

Using Numbers as Letters
The same group that deliberately misspells words also tends commit this crime as well, replacing the letter “e” with “3” all over the place. Again, it makes me ask, why? What purpose does it serve? It doesn’t make anything shorter. If anything it takes longer to read through a sentence filled with needless numbers, because they’re not the same as letters. They serve a different function and the mind has to work around that when trying to read them as part of the alphabet. It is fundamentally stupid and its pathetic watching nerds trying to pass off as cool by inserting numbers where they don’t belong. If you insist on doing this then please don’t talk to me. There’s enough retarded on the internet for me to deal with as it is.

Saying “sup” as a Greeting
I know that this is really specific and weird, but for some reason it’s one of my pet peeves. I think it’s because “sup” is the abbreviated form of “what’s up?” so whenever somebody uses it as a greeting I always read it as a question. I’ll then reply “not much” (or “nm” if I’m feeling particularly lazy) which leads to an awkward situation where I’ve just provided an answer to a question they don’t even realize they’ve asked, and now they don’t know how to respond. It’s even worse if I provide a more in-depth answer like “vanquishing Spearhead Peak” when all they expected was a simple hello. It also confuses me when they say “sup” and immediately follow it with “what’s going on?” because it’s like they’re asking the same question twice. I guess my point is, just stick to “hey,” “hi,” or even “yo.”

Using Text Speak in Everyday Speak
Lately there has been a trend of language people use on the internet spilling over into common speech when people talk to one another face to face. Even I have been guilty of this on occasion and every time I repent my sin and die a little bit inside. It’s a terrifying trend and a pointless one as it not only degrades our language skills, but it defeats the purpose of abbreviation these online words were initially meant to serve. Saying “ty” is no shorter than saying “thank you” and is ten times more insipid for every letter you leave out. This must be stopped before it goes to far and we forget what it’s like to feel and people say “lol” instead of actually laughing or “qq” instead of crying. I know that this is a slippery slope argument, but it’s still a bad habit.

Bonus points to whoever includes all of these pet peeves of mine in a creative response.